Most people choose their relationship styles based on those of their parents and the culture that they grow up in. In fact, people often don’t see relationship style as a choice. There is a mainstream cultural story and unless there is a reason to move away from that story – that is the way a relationship goes. For example, girl meets boy at a dance. Boy asks girl for her number. Boy and girl start dating and fall in love. Boy and girl move in together. Boy and girl get married and live happily ever after. Until very recently in many countries, this story was always boy and girl. Now this story can apply to all genders and all mixes of genders.
In the not so distant past in many cultures, the story was very different. Love had nothing to do with it. Marriages were arranged by the parents. The story there was that you learned to love the person that was chosen for you. That person was chosen for social and business reasons – to unite two families – rather than looking at simply uniting the two people who were getting married. There are still quite a number of cultures where many marriages are still arranged.
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a registered psychologist, sex & intimacy coach, professional speaker and published author. She has been working with individuals, couples and polyamorous groups for over 30 years to help them create and maintain their ideal intimate relationships. She writes non-fiction about sex, sexuality, gender, relationships of all kinds, kink, non-monogamy, BDSM and authority transfer based relationships and sexual trauma in her own blog, for a variety of relationship websites, and for a number of print publications. She also writes erotic short stories.