My friend, the fabulous erotic writer Hannah Lockhardt, recently wrote a post about dick pics. It included the line: ‘the hottest seven word sentence in the English language is “This is what you do to me”’, and I don’t think I have ever read anything so true, for me at least!
Dick pics have had a lot of bad press and I wanted to redress the balance a little. At the right time, from the right person, and when wanted, dick pics are my favourite form of sexting and are just meltingly hot. They can be a visual representation of how much the sender wants me, what thinking about me has done to them and is exactly the kind of feedback that gets my own heart racing!
Now, I know that not everyone agrees with me. I also fear that the disdain with which they are treated is a lasting effect of those literal wankers who spurt out their dick pics to unsuspecting victims. Because there is no doubt that sending a non-consensual dick pic is assault. It may sound like a cliché but random guys sliding into your DMs with a pic to tempt you on dating apps, thrusting their image into your feed without warning or request, is sexual harassment. I wonder if the men who send dick pics as an opening move realise that. No matter how sex positive someone is or how overtly sexual they present themselves to be, no sexual image should be sent without consent, it is that simple.
But I don’t think that all dick pics should be viewed with horror and condemnation, it’s not that straightforward.
To my mind, there are two main types of dick pic, the first is the simplest, and my favourite!
Every now and then, my husband will send me a quick snap of his erection, captioned with an explanatory note about how he was thinking about me or was looking forward to seeing me later. The photo is simple; there is no need for editing or concern about lighting. The purpose of this image is also simple; it is meant to turn me on, and it does. There are no words that could match how hot it is to see that erection, to see how much he wants me. And my husband is comfortable sending me these photos because he knows how much I love them. This has long been part of our relationship dynamic: from the first photo he sent me before our first sex date that made me even more excited to see him again, to the recent snap he teased me with when he was working from home and I was not.
The important part of this dynamic is that we had talked about erotic photos before he sent me that first image. We had already spoken about the photos on his blog, talking about which I liked and why. We had already established that I liked explicit photos and wanted him to send them to me. It was not and still is not a surprise. I know to be careful whenever I open an image he sends me, even if it turns out to be just a cat and it is still among the hottest things that he does for me.
My other category of dick pic is less personal but it’s perhaps not much of a surprise to say that I love this type too – the arty shot, the erotic and well constructed nude. I love these because they are beautiful. Bodies are beautiful, and cocks are no exception. It bothers me how often I hear that dicks are ugly or unattractive, and how many people just don’t like to look at them. Considering how vocally I shout down vulva shaming, it would seem hypocritical to allow similar body shaming to be directed towards people with cocks. Again, I think much of this blame can be laid at the feet of those same, overly confident men who think everyone wants to look at their dick, sending pictures out willy-nilly. When the world is awash with such low quality dick pics, why would anyone want to see another?
Except that some are worth looking at. Not because they’re arousing but because they’re stunning. Strong lines, great shadows, soft shapes, curls of hair. The masculine body is just as beautiful as a feminine one and I, for one, enjoy celebrating it!
So dick pics – unwanted harassment, arousing imagery or art? I hope you’ll agree that they can be all of the above, depending on how they are sent. Sadly, most dick pics seem to be the bad kind – poorly taken, non-consensually sent and received by people who don’t want them. If these are the only dick pics that you’ve seen, then I am really sorry but I hope you’ll also believe that there can be a lot more to them! As with so much when it comes to sex, all it takes is communication and consent.
When done properly, the results can be truly incredible…
Indulging my secret alter-ego.
Generally amusing myself with filthy writing.
So here I am, writing a blog about sex and life, fact and fiction, and all the ridiculous, amazing things that I love! As a junior doctor, I also occasionally write about medicine and the state of the NHS.
Oh, and I take erotic photos too…